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Weblog Archives February Thursday, February 20, 2003 I'm not afraid of anything anymore. I used to be afraid of what other people might say, or an least afraid that they were right when they criticized me. But ever since I twigged to the idea that other people's comments contain a vested interest in maintaining their own worldview I have decided that they are irrelevant. the most important person to please is me. So I won't solicit other people's opinions on my actions any more because they are only seeing my actions thought their own filter. As long as I haven't hurt someone deliberately and I have acted in the best interests of myself and of the group I will be doing fine. Why on earth would I trust anyone else's opinion over my own? That doesn't make any sense. I used to think that they would be more objective than I would be, but that's a load of crap. They are no more objective - they just have a different perspective. I think that turning thirty has had a good effect on me. I feel much more powerful than I was in my twenties. And since I've turned thirty I have read a number of books that have really spoken to me, highlighting some self destructive habits that I need to eliminate. Trusting too much in the opinions of friends and relations is one of those habits. I can't trust that others have my best interests in mind, but once I eliminate those habits I can trust that I will. Wednesday, February 19, 2003 Well, I'm just as surprised as you but I do have a comment to make on world affairs. Last week there was a letter in the National Post from a man in the U.S. who felt it necessary to inform Canadians that their opinion on the situation with Iraq didn't matter because Canada would always be on the sidelines anyways. Basically we are irrelevant. Then today I was reading about how France is being mocked for their anti-war stance and I began to become annoyed. My usual stance when encountering morons is to ignore them, figuring that to engage them in discussion is to admit that their opinion has some value but I'm slowly re-evaluating that approach. Anyway, I guess the point of all this is that I find it annoying that those countries who advocate caution before beginning an armed conflict are somehow the bad guys. That those who want the whole story before innocent people are killed are somehow in the wrong. Now I can actually be a pretty hotheaded person, and I will talk trash in reaction to a situation before I understand it but I will not take actual action until I have gathered sufficient information. To me that's just common sense. And I hope the Canadian government continues to use its common sense and avoids jumping on the war bandwagon until all the information is in. Tuesday, February 18, 2003 I had a weird breastfeeding moment today. Actually before I begin with that anecdote I should comment about how surprised I am to find myself breastfeeding a 15 month old. I had never imagined myself breastfeeding a toddler. I thought I would have given it up long before now. Not that I have anything against it but I haven't been political about it from the start and most of the people I know who breastfed for a long time were political breastfeeders. I started breastfeeding primarily because it was expedient. Back to my weird moment. I coach a high school improv team on Tuesday afternoons. I have to bring the boy most days. When he was smaller and breastfeeding was more of a challenge I used to nurse in the teachers' lounge, then as I got more used to it and the improv folk got more used to the idea I began nursing in one corner of the room we were rehearsing in and finally I just kept on doing what I was doing and nursed. Meanwhile I'm a very subtle nurser, if you didn't watch very closely you would never know what I was doing. Apparently one team member is uncomfortable though, because he turns his head while Alex nurses. I don't know whether to address this or not. Will bringing it up make it a bigger deal than necessary? Will I make this guy even more uncomfortable? Am I being rude? Further ruminations are required obviously. Monday, February 17, 2003 I would really like to make some profound comment about the impending war or about anything really but today I feel like I know nothing. I'm not up on world affairs and my geography is so abysmal to render any potential analysis laughable. It's rather annoying. If you haven't been up on world affairs for your whole life, it's hard to start when you're thirty. It's like too much has happened to really get into. Where do you start? When I was in high school we used to get this magazine called Canada and the World which was very handy, summarizing the history of events. I'd like to get my hands on that now. I don't know if that indicates that I have a 17 year old's persepctive on the world. I hope not. A 17 year old's perspective is fine when you are 17 but 13 years later it seems a little limited. I don't even know why I wrote about that. I wasn't planning on any part of that. I guess it just sprang to mind. I've been reading Think
and Grow Rich lately. I had always unfairly disparaged
the book because I thought it was some sort of hokey tome
about how positive thinking can make you a fortune. And
it is that, but a lot more. It basically explains how to
direct your hard work towards your own success so your
efforts won't be in vain. And I think that's pretty cool.
But that's not the collest part actually. that would be
the explanation about how to ensure that only positive
thoughts stick in your subconscious. I think that's
something everyone needs, to be told that we don't have
to entertain negativity and that we can create our own
state of mind. I'm off to work on that. Sunday, February 16, 2003 And so the entries get shorter and shorter. A good day today in spite of the fact that Alex kept me up all night, I felt good once I actually woke up. I had a fun relaxing day and a fun rehearsal tonight. I wish every day could be like this. Only with more writing. Monday, February 24, 2003 I am singing in a murder mystery performance tomorrow. I'm not sure it is a good idea. I love to sing but I don't do it well. It may be cruel to inflict my singing on innocent high school students. I practiced with Neece and Hil last night and they say I sound pretty good but its hard to screw up Fever. Actually, maybe it's not, all you have to do is sing it in a choir-y way with no soul. I've got plenty of soul, I just lack rythym. When I sing I have no idea if I am on key or if I am going the right speed or any of those 'nuances' that make a good performance. I'm not scared to sing, I just don't want to make an ass of myself giving a big diva act if I sound like shit. It doesn't help that my charracter is a gangster who probably wouldn't sing under ordinary circumstances. Oh well, as ViVi said to Siddalee - If you can't sing it good, sing it loud! Friday, February 14, 2003 This is the latest in my never ending effort to write daily. It's funny how a calling can be so damn much work. I guess I always assumed that your life's work would be relatively easy. No not easy. But that you would get into a groove and it would seem effortless. Apparently not. So anyway, I awoke today determined that this was going to be a good day. Impossibaby woke me 3 or 4 times last night but I still felt relatively rested this morning so once I ate breakfast I did my new Pilates tape. I feel like an ass for jumping on the Pilates bandwagon but this workout was pretty good. I may take it back though because it promised I would feel energized and centered when I was done and unless centered refers to the fact that I can't take my mind off my abdominals now, I don't really feel either. This is Valentine's Day. I hate it. I mean if himself couldn't manage to tell me how much he loves me every other day of the year but felt moved to do so on Valentine's day - I'd squat him. Needless to say we don't celebrate it. In fact we have some friends coming over to play Cranium this evening. Ain't that romantic? Couldn't you just swoon? © Christine C. Hennebury 2003 |
