This is what a feminist writes like:

Sometimes when the Jawa tries to get the Cow to look at the camera, everything goes awry.

See?

PS - I haven't run away, I've just been consumed by other projects - back soon!

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Have you seen this woman?

If so, please buy her an excellent cup of coffee and tell her I sent you.

Hello and welcome to the Smartmouth Mombie portion of the sleep solutions for your baby, toddler and preschooler Blog Book Tour. I am absolutely thrilled to be hosting part of this celebration of Ann Douglas' terrific book.

A little background:

On April 21, 2001 at about 12:00PM a second pink line let me know that The Boy was on his way. And, with my tradition of starting as I mean to finish, by 8:00PM I was in the bookstore buying a pregnancy book. That book? The Mother of All Pregnancy Books by Ann Douglas. How could you possible resist a book by someone with a sense of humour like that?

The book was fantastic, it laid out everything you needed to know without being hard or judgemental or being at all scary. And the best part was how Ann's warmth and personality just shone through the pages. I felt like I had a friend to turn to whenever pregnancy started to do my head in. It was so great that I bought the Mother of All Baby Books and The Mother of All Toddler Books.

Then last year sometime, I found The Mother of All Blogs and became an even bigger fan of Ann Douglas and her friendly, open and sincere invitation to all mothers to learn more, and feel better. I jumped at the chance to be on her panel of mothers for the sleep solutions book (and as a Mombie I was more than qualified!). See what I mean about her, she doesn't speak from on high, she doesn't just relate a few stories from other mothers, she put together a PANEL! So while doing other research and doing the actual writing, she also had to read the questionnaires that she sent out to well over a hundred moms (with a few dads chiming in too)*. That's a crazy and wonderful thing to take on when preparing a book, but it gives her work a unique flavour and really makes you feel like you are not in this alone, that somewhere out there, Amanda, or Jennifer or Marcia is struggling along with you.

When I received my copy last spring, I literally jumped up and down in the hallway. I was almost too excited to open the envelope. Not only was I going to have a book signed by Ann Douglas, but I was going to have a book signed by Ann Douglas that I might actually be quoted it (and I was a couple of times!). And sleep solutions for you baby, toddler and preschooler did not disappoint, it was just as fantastic as her other books.

Sleep is a hot topic amongst parents (Mistress of the Obvious strikes again!), and most people have some hard and fast rules as to how to get a baby to sleep well and if your doesn't when you are just plain wrong. Or worse, you are a bad parent who lets your baby run you. In the course of The Boy's babyhood, I heard it all, but the consensus was that I was just not stepping up to the plate and taking charge. The problem was that I was too wimpy. And this was from ordinary people, I can't imagine the flak I would have taken if I had consulted the more heavy-handed, self-described experts in the field.

Well, those heavy-handed experts can clear the damn field**, because Ann is here and she's listening to US. She lays out the science of sleep, the ways to cope with lack of sleep, the popular methods for sleep training, and all with a gentle sense of humour, and an definite understanding that her audience is made of real parents (and by extension real kids) with real feelings and real lives. Other experts seem to adopt a one-size-fits-all approach, and they seem to think that parents are lab researchers, clinically trying to produce optimal sleep conditions.

The Boy didn't sleep through the night until he was 2.5 years old, and The Little Guy is still struggling (and I'm struggling along with him) but the information in Ann's book has helped me deal logically with the issues instead of getting caught up in blaming myself for creating this situation (which I did NOT). And following some of her advice about routines and naps has improved things a lot (now if TLG would just get the rest of his teeth and start eating more actual big kid food***, things would improve even more.)

You know that saying about how it takes a village to raise a child? And how with busy lives, and families far apart, the village fails us sometimes nowadays? Well, a lot of us are building our own villages, our own support networks, through books and blogs and email. And every village needs a wise woman, one who lays out our options, and doesn't so much give advice but leads us to find what works for us. In my village, that woman is Ann Douglas.

*The list is in the book, but I don't have long to write and I don't want to spend my time counting.

**Mary Sheedy Kurcinka (author of Sleepless in America) is not heavy handed, so she can stay but the rest can go home. Kurcinka's book has a lot of interesting material in it, but she doesn't cover the breadth of information that Ann does. Ann is really giving you all the options, Kurcinka less so. It's a good book all the same, though.

*** Ann also has a book about that, which I will be picking up shortly. Mealtime Solutions for Your Baby, Toddler and Preschooler: The Ultimate No-Worry Approach for Each Age and Stage

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Note unrelated to the interview: M - You are on my mind and I wish you strength.

So, ages and ages ago (think JULY!) I interviewed Tina Chaulk, author of this much is true with the good intentions of posting the interview right away. Then she was busy, and then I was busy and then kept not getting posted for a variety of reasons. But, now, at long last, I'm posting it.

The night before I had The Little Guy (in November 2004), I received my first fan email. This lovely woman told me how much she enjoyed my writing and how she too was trying to balance writing with being a stay-at-home mom, and she seemed so genuine and so friendly. I was so thrilled that I ignored the 8 minutes apart labour pains and wrote her back immediately. That letter was from Tina Chaulk, and no matter how many times I ramble or how long it is between posts, I know she's out there reading. And boy do I appreciate her! ( not that I don't appreciate all my readers, but Tina is a constant presence.)

So when I found out she was publishing a book, I knew I'd have to give her the same support by reading and writing about it. And that struck fear in my heart. What if I read and didn't like it? Or if the story was good but the writing was terrible. Well, I assured myself that my diplomatic skills would come into play and I'd be able to find something nice to say about it and I dug in.

The book rocks. It absolutely rocks.

Like I've told Tina before, reading her book is like eavedropping. The story is so there, so immediate that you feel like someone is confessing to a friend and you are overhearing it. You feel vaguely guilty for listening but you can't stop yourself from soaking up every last sordid detail.

I enjoyed her snarky, chatty, writing style. I found the characters interesting, yet very familiar. It was just plain good. I read it all in one day. Which for a mother of two small kids is quite a feat.

Now this much is true is not a life-changing novel, you aren't going to come away from it with your world-view forever altered. It won't leave you up all night pondering the complexities of life, the universe and everything. But it doesn't pretend to be any of those things. It is what it is, an interesting, quirky and vivid account of parts of one young Newfoundland woman's life as she tries to make her way in the wilds of Toronto. Oh, and it includes the letter of reassuring lies she tells her parents so they won't worry about their little girl alone in the big bad city. It's fun and you should definitely read it.

I interviewed Tina via email way too long ago and like I said above, I should have posted this before now.

I joked in my email that I should have started the interview by asking that horrible question that all writers hear sooner or later 'Where do you get your ideas?' and I assumed that she would just reply with a 'Oh, ha ha' but she didn't - she's so nice that she actually answered the question.

Here we go:

Mombie: I'm so tempted to start with 'where do you get your ideas' just to be a pain in the ass, but I won't.

TC: I get my ideas from "what if"s. Anything can set me off. This much is true came from a what if. What if I had to leave here and move to Toronto to find work when I really didn't want to? I have one novel in the works though that started with a first line and went from there. That is the only thing I haven't started with a what if. I have a crazy, often sick, imagination so what ifs are easy to come by.

Mombie: One of the problems with writing a book that is as immediate as This Much is True is the fact that people tend to closely associate the author with the main character. Does this make you uncomfortable? Has it caused you any difficulties?

Tina Chaulk: I didn't really realize how much this would be true until the book came out. This book is first person and meant to be very conversational in tone, so it is like Lisa is telling you her story, sitting down having a cup of tea or a beer with you. It is very intimate and I wanted it like that, without pretension or interjections from another narrator. Just a comfortable chat. That means people sometimes think Tina is talking to them since they assume that Lisa is me. This makes me a little uncomfortable because Lisa's experiences are so different from mine. I mean she has a varied history with men while I have been with the same man since I was 15. Lisa uses language I don't use as often as she does and says and does things I would not dream of saying or doing. She is a flawed character (but aren't we all) so I don't think I realized going into this, that people might take her flaws as my own. I guess I always thought readers would understand that fiction is just that, but with things like "creative non-fiction" and "autobiographical fiction", the lines between what is real and not real are so blurred these days. In a way, I just try to take it as a compliment that someone thinks Lisa is so real, she could be me. As for the difficulties, well, it is hard to know that people I know and love are reading these things, especially people who may not approve of some of the racier content. Like my parents. They are very proud of me and they know I'm not Lisa but I still thought this stuff up and, as my mom said, "you don't want to think your daughter thinks these things".

Mombie: Most books on writing tell writers to 'write what you know' but they don't usually explain that they don't mean to limit yourself to only your own experiences, they mean to use your experiences and the associated emotions to colour the experiences and emotions of your characters. Which experiences of Lisa's are coloured by your own?

TC: The main one is Lisa's work in a detox since I worked in one too. The general idea of what it is like to work in a detox and a physical description of the detox Lisa worked in definitely came from my experience but none of the specifics of what happened there were true. I am afraid of public speaking so Lisa took on that trait. Good friends who have read the book laugh when Lisa drinks "The Captain" since everyone who knows me well knows what happens when the Captain Morgan comes out around me. I graduated from MUN (but later than Lisa did) and grew up in Aspen Cove, as did Lisa. I lost friends when I was quite young (in high school) so I know about dealing with death, especially of other young people, before you are really ready for it (as if you are ever really ready for it). Above all, though, I love Newfoundland and Labrador, and so does Lisa. It was the idea of how awful it would be to leave here that led to the book so that is a big one. I'd say quite a bit of Lisa's background is the same as mine but her experiences in the book are not. In hindsight, I think I should have changed some of the background so she would seem a little less like me to people who know me. I just wanted to include some winks and nods to people and also wanted the place that I grew up in to be in a book because I am so happy I grew up there. I just wanted to give a shout out to the people and the place. People ask me now where Aspen Cove is and I think that is great so maybe I wouldn't change it if I could.

Mombie: How long did it take you to write this much is true? (Is this your first novel or do you have a trunk full of manuscripts that you can't bear to look at?)

TC: It took me about nine years, very on and off. I wrote two other novels while writing it: a psychological thriller and a science fiction novel. this much is true was the last of the three to be finished. Plus I started work on at least three more. I write a lot and it is very varied so I can write different things depending where my head is. I have things I can't bear to look at but I don't think any of them are beyond salvation. I have made such major changes in my other writing that I know you can change anything in fiction. In my psychological thriller, I had a completely different murderer but woke up at about 3:00 one morning, knowing that the murderer had to be someone else and knowing exactly how to do it. I got out of bed and wrote about five pages of scenes and notes. First and last time that happened to me. The change meant a lot of work but since then I know that you can rescue something you've written even if you have to make big alterations to do it.

Mombie: What was the most challenging part of the process?

TC: I think letting it go has been the hardest part of the process. It is hard to put something you've written out there in public. You know that at any time someone could be reading your book. They could be loving it or hating it, they could be thinking you are brilliant or crude or stupid or a bad writer or whatever. What people think is very important to me so, although I keep telling myself that it is not possible for everyone to like this book and some people will hate it and some people just won't get it, I am still not good with that idea.

Mombie: Tell me how you go about writing. Do you have any rituals? Any special times of the day? Do you use freewriting or other techniques to warm up?

TC: I either put pen to paper or fingers to keyboard. That is about it. I don't have rituals. I write when my brain feels like it will explode with all the stuff in there and I have to get it out. Of course, my son's naptime often seems to be an inspired time for me just because the opportunity is there. I write best at night. Once I get started, I can write for long periods of time and get thousands of words out. I believe in getting the clay on the table first: get the story out there, get the stuff written then go back later to shape it, to make it become what it is supposed to be. About the only specific thing I can tell you I do when writing is that I make sure I leave off in the middle of something. It is usually the middle of a sentence and is an obvious spot so when I go back to it again, I can see exactly where I was going. If I think I won't remember or have ideas where to go once that section is completed, I might write myself a little note: "Tina, make sure she talks about leaving on the gas here so you can kill her later in an explosion" or "Tina, make sure he mentions somewhere here about the car he is going to buy" (made up examples).

Mombie: Writing while wrangling a kid can be pretty challenging, how do you make enough space in your brain (and the rest of your life) to do both?

TC: I guess I am blessed because I have a pretty independent son so he's cool if I am at the computer for a time while he creates dinosaur lands or takes trips to the moon with Lunar Jim. I am a true Gemini so I can do so many things at once and still keep on top of them. Even when I am playing with him, my mind might be dealing with some other conversation I'm writing in my head, but he doesn't realize it. If I gaze off for too long, he'll make sure I come back to him and pay attention. He still naps so I am lucky with that. I do a lot of what I call internal writing. Stories, characters, and conversations are always whirring around in my head. Doing housework (which anyone who knows me can tell you is not something I do well) or clearing away dishes, or driving, or any one of a million things I do throughout the day are all opportunities for internal writing. Then by the time I decide to write the words down, they just flow easily, like they've been waiting for this chance to become part of my work and are finally getting their opportunity to become real.

Mombie: Are you hard at work on another book? Any details you'd like to share?

TC:I am working on three books right now. One is definitely my focus. I'm always nervous about sharing what I am writing because I tend to doubt myself and one wrong "hmmmmm" in reference to an idea I am working on can send me thinking it is the worst drivel ever written and I want to give up. I have been trying to get an Arts Council grant for this main novel I am working on and find it very hard to describe it or to submit writing samples from it because I don't outline and so I don't really know how the book will turn out until it is done. It is like someone painting part of a picture and asking you what you think of it. Maybe there is an eye and some hair and a rusty piece of metal in the painting so how can you judge what it is going to be when it is finished? I can tell you that the main book is a general fiction, first person novel, is more serious than this much is true, and it is set in St. John's. I can also tell you that the other books are a funny, female private detective story set in St. John's (I am having a ball writing it) and a serious book set in outport Newfoundland in the 1930s. This is my "literary" book and writing it is scary because I don't consider myself a literary writer and I love the book's main character so I want to do him justice (and fear I can't). He is so extraordinary and special that he feels real to me. I tend to procrastinate writing that one until the character practically screams at me to get at it. Also, a lot of people have been asking what happened to Lisa Simms after this much is true and wondering if there will be a sequel so an older Lisa keeps talking to me now too. She may have to move onto paper soon.

Mombie: Is there anything else you would like to add?

TC: Just to thank you for this chance. I have been a fan of The Smartmouth Mombie since I first found it online and also your Making Myself at Home columns in the Independent's Home section so it is an honour to be asked to do this.

Mombie: Aww, Tina, there you go again! Thanks so much. You'll be kept on

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So, ARTFUSiON? It totally rocked. There were lots of people, there was all sorts of cool things to do and see. And my monologue was well received (special thanks to the lady I've never met before who laughed uproariously throughout the whole thing) and the evening readings were super-fantastic (Thanks Trudy & Tina!).

The Boy was sick today and yesterday and couldn't go to school. It's nothing serious, a fever and some cold symptoms, but enough so he would not be up to sitting in a desk all morning. He was actualy upset NOT to be going, so I'd say he has adjusted well to school by now. YAY!

I've been feeling rather overwhelmed(yes AGAIN). On Tuesday I decided to write about it in my journal. As I flipped through the pages to find a blank one, I came across my entry from September 16th last year and it was describing how overwhelmed I felt, and how I thought I was never going to get my schedule ironed out. And once I gave it some thought, I realized that I had felt the same way the fall that I was pregnant with TLG. Soooo, clearly this is a fall feeling, my September sentiment, and hence nothing I should worry about too much. You know how it is for those of us with a tendency toward situational depression, always gotta keep an eye out. Gotta make sure that we aren't slipping too low.

That doesn't mean that I'm giving in though, that I'm ignoring this feeling. Clearly, I still have to get a grip on my schedule, to make sure that I am not trying to do too much, to take time to take care of myself too. But at least it is not a sign that I'm on my way to a low. So, I'll be making lists and charts and schedules over the weekend so I can ease my mind about all the things I choose to do. And I can decide to drop some things if I am so inclined.

One of my fall projects is to get my writing plans back on track. I always manage to get my paid writing done, but I have a lot of other writing (like essays, plays and short stories) that I don't make the time to do. Yet, I find lots of time to while away reading weblogs. Note to self: WRITE DAMN IT!

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In case you don't know, I'm the Chair of the Association for the Arts* in Mount Pearl (AAMP), and we've made it our goal to increase the presence of the arts in our City. There are lots of artists living here, and lots of people interested in attending arts events, but with artists being solitary types, we tend to get overlooked as people focus on sport events.

Why am I telling you this?

Because this weekend is our big splash event for the year, ARTFUSiON, and we are going to have jugglers and live bands and visual artists and writers demonstrating the vibrancy of art in this community. If you are going to be near here on Saturday, you should drop down to City Hall between 12-9pm and see what's happening. We even have arts activities for kids.

I'm especially looking forward to reading one of my short stories in the evening at Rosie O'Grady's (a restaurant near City Hall) because I will be in the esteemed company of both Tina Chaulk AND Trudy J. Morgan-Cole who will be reading from their books. (One of the advantages of being the Chair is that I can casually toss my story in with readings from actual published authors. Handy thing, that.)

You can join AAMP by emailing me, or by signing up here. You don't have to live in Mount Pearl to join, you just have to be interested in arts events that are happening here, or be willing to create some!

* Yes, I do know how to keep busy.

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Kindergarten went mostly okay. There were some hitches, but I think they'll even out over the next few weeks.

The Boy takes a while to warm up to new people, and when he is in the precess of warming up he is reluctant to try new things. This is a challenge for a poor Kindergarten teacher who is trying to teach a group of these little creatures. But once he gets used to being around so many people all the time, I'm sure things will be fine. He says he's enjoying himself, and, really, what else can I go on?

Meanwhile, I keeping getting annoyed by being told that my November-born son is a 'young kindergartener' so I should expect him to have a lot of trouble*. Yes, he's one of the youngest in his class, but at the same time, the cut-off is December 31st. Shouldn't the program be geared somewhere in the middle so the kids who are almost six and the kids who are not yet five can work as a group. I'm getting this uneasy feeling that things may be skewed towards the biggest, oldest kids rather than averaged out. Perhaps I'm mistaken though. I hope I am.

Other than that, I'm mind-bendingly proud of The Boy. There have been some tears, but he's doing well. And he looks adorable sitting at his little table.

*Part of the reason I'm finding this annoying is that myself, The Man, Barry, Krista are all late fall babies and we don't remember any huge difficulties in school. Time will tell though, but I will watch The Boy for age/skill related issues. I guess I hate him being lumped by age rather than having his individual skills assessed. Perhaps that part will come later.


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The Boy starts Kindergarten tomorrow morning.

I'm excited for him, yet I'm afraid that I have somehow missed teaching him something important and he is going to have difficulties because of that. Which is nonsense, of course, but feels very real.

I feel like I've been slightly downsized*, but I'm glad I don't have that all too common 'oh, my little baby is all grown-up' sniffle-fest brewing. The day The Boy was born, I remember thinking "Five years ago I got married, 5 years from now this teeny baby will be going to school. How weird will that be?"

So here we are, ready or not, whether or not I've done a good job**, The Boy faces the big bad world tomorrow.

For three hours at a time.

I think he can handle it.

Have courage, my sweet Boy. You'll do just fine. Mommy loves you.

* It's weird to think of another adult being a big influence on my child's life. And even weirder to have a schedule imposed on our household by an outside agency.

**and for the record, I think I have done a good job overall.

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In my old design, I used to have a little blurb explaining why I call myself the Smartmouth Mombie but I didn't think to bring it into the new design.

If you knew me in real life, it would actually be obvious but since most of you don't know me, I'll elaborate here.

I have a sarcastic sense of humour, and I tend to tease people a bit when I'm talking. Hence the smartmouth, I was going to go with smarta*s but I didn't want the weird traffic. I don't always come across as snarky online as I do in real life because while in real life you can instantly correct things if you are misunderstood, it is hard to convey friendly snark online. So while I AM a smartmouth, you may not always see that in my writing here.

And the Mombie part? Well, I started calling myself that when The Boy was about 8 months old. It was, of course, the combination of Mommy and Zombie that results from getting way too little sleep for way too long. Boy, was I disappointed to discover that I wasn't the only one to put those words together. (And I *do* love to make up new words -my latest is procrastiJason, which is when I use messenger to chat with my good friend Jason instead of doing my work.)

And I've recently discovered that the nastier members of child-free movements use the word mombie to refer to women that they feel are inadequate parents. At first I was a little put off to be associated with that, but now I've decided to embrace it . Sure there are some lousy mothers out there, but these nasties don't give mothers a chance. (I know there are lots of lovely people who choose to live child-free, and that's cool by me but like in all movements, the real assholes get the press. I'm not judging all members of child-free movements by those few.)

So there we go, The Smartmouth Mombie. Snarky. Tired. That's pretty much it.

1) My lovely friends Rick and Cat got married in Banff on Saturday. I wish I could have been there. (I did, however, videotape the toast to the groom and send it up.) Welcome to your happily ever after, guys.

2) My friend Dylan the Dynamo turns three tomorrow. Happy Birthday, Dylan! And my friend Jan (she's Jantastic - right, Jason?) turns 26 on Wednesday. Have a great one, Jan!

3) My BIL, Dan (Neece's husband) got promoted and my sister Ange escaped the call centre and got a new job. Way to go, guys!

4) My column in The Independent is going on hiatus while they undertake some changes in the layout and organization of the paper. It sucks, but it will all even out. And I'll post some old ones here, asap.

5) Almost forgot, I was at Tina Chaulk's book launch last week - it was great! More on that later, but in the meantime, buy her book! (and, by the way, you can see a pic of me and Tina and TrudyJ at Trudy's blog - see August 30th.) You should also buy Trudy's book, while you are at it (buy them together and get free shipping!).

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